The Truth About Mom Burnout: What It Is, Why It Happens, and How to Fix It

Nov 15

8 min read

Hey there, Mama. Let’s have a real talk about something I see way too often in my therapy practice—mom burnout. Now, if you're feeling a bit tired, a little stressed, or like you might just need a nap (okay, who am I kidding, a week-long vacation), you might be thinking, "Yeah, I’m burned out." But here’s the thing: Mom burnout isn’t just being tired—it’s a whole other beast, and it’s got a sneaky way of creeping into your life.

You know that feeling when you're constantly running on empty, juggling a thousand things, and still feeling like you’re not doing enough? It’s like you're the human equivalent of a phone with 1% battery and no charger in sight. You’re putting on a brave face, pretending everything’s fine, while inside, you feel like you’re barely holding it together. Sound familiar? I see you, and I get it.

But don’t worry, you're not alone in this. According to research, 70% of mothers report experiencing burnout symptoms, with working moms being particularly vulnerable. A 2023 study found that maternal burnout affects approximately 1 in 3 mothers during their children's first year. Let's break it down so you can understand what's going on—and more importantly, how to stop it.

What Exactly Is Mom Burnout?

Mom burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that comes from the constant stress of balancing the many demands of motherhood. It’s not just being tired; it’s the kind of exhaustion that leaves you feeling emotionally drained and a little (or a lot) disconnected from everything around you. And if you’re a high-achieving, perfectionist mom, you may feel like you should be able to handle it all—and then beat yourself up when it’s all just too much.

It's totally normal to feel worn out here and there, but burnout is different. It feels like being on a never-ending treadmill that you can’t seem to get off, no matter how fast you run. You might be thinking: “Why can’t I just get it together like everyone else?” Trust me, that’s the burnout talking. Sound familiar? It’s not you—it’s the system you’re trying to operate in. It's crucial to understand that mom burnout isn't just a modern buzzword—it's a recognized condition that can significantly impact both maternal and family well-being. Unlike regular fatigue or stress, burnout can have long-lasting effects on your physical and mental health if left unaddressed.

Types of Mom Burnout

Different moms face different challenges, and burnout can manifest in various ways depending on your situation:

Working Mom Burnout
- Juggling career demands with family responsibilities
- Constant context switching between work and home
- Guilt over missed moments with children
Stay-at-home Mom Burnout
- Lack of adult interaction
- No clear "off hours"
- Identity struggles and loss of self
Single Mom Burnout
- Solo responsibility for all decisions
- Financial pressures
- Limited support system
Special Needs Mom Burnout
- Additional medical/therapy appointments
- Increased advocacy responsibilities
- Higher caregiving demands

Signs of Mom Burnout: Are You There Yet?

Now, let’s talk about the warning signs. How do you know if you’re slipping into burnout territory? Here are the key signs that your emotional and mental batteries might be completely drained.

Constant Fatigue

It’s not just about feeling tired—it's about feeling like you could sleep for a week and still wake up exhausted. You’ve hit the point where a good night’s sleep feels like a pipe dream, and you find yourself wondering if coffee will ever work its magic again. Research from the American Psychological Association notes that burnout can cause a kind of deep, unshakable fatigue that sleep doesn’t fix. So if you're waking up tired even after a full night's sleep, that’s a red flag.

Irritability and Mood Swings

One minute, you’re fine. The next, you’re crying over spilled milk (literally). If you’re snapping at your kids or partner for no real reason, this could be a sign that burnout is taking its toll. And don’t even get me started on the guilt that follows. You feel irritable, but you also beat yourself up for being snappy, which just adds more stress to the pile. Your patience wears thin because your mental and emotional reserves are depleted.

Feeling Detached from Your Kids

You’re there physically, but mentally, you’re checked out. Maybe you’re still playing the mom role, but you’re not fully present. You’ve caught yourself zoning out during bedtime stories or spacing out while helping with homework, feeling disconnected from your little ones and wondering why that should even be happening. According to research from the Journal of Child and Family Studies, emotional detachment is a key sign of parental burnout. It's like you're going through the motions, but inside, you feel disconnected.

Loss of Motivation

Even the things that once lit you up—like your job, hobbies, or spending time with friends—start to feel like chores. Burnout can zap your drive and make it hard to muster up the energy to do anything beyond just surviving. You might even feel guilty for not feeling more motivated. You're thinking, "Why can't I just get it together? Why does everything feel like a weight?"

Neglecting Self-Care

You might skip that face mask you love or let your gym routine slide because you’re just too tired. Self-care goes out the window because you're so busy doing everything for everyone else that you forget about your own needs. But guess what? Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. And you don’t need a spa day to recharge—sometimes it’s just five minutes of breathing deeply, or a quick walk around the block to reset.

Insomnia or Changes in Sleep Patterns

If you're lying awake at night, mind racing with thoughts of everything you have to do, you’re not alone. It’s like you can’t shut off your brain, and sleep feels elusive. Insomnia is a common symptom of burnout. And if you’re lucky enough to get some sleep, it might not be quality rest, leaving you still feeling sluggish.

Why Does Mom Burnout Happen?

You might be wondering, "Why me? Why is this happening to me?" If you're the kind of mom who is always striving for perfection and balancing a million things at once, burnout can sneak up on you. Here's why it happens:

Unrealistic Expectations (Looking at You, Instagram)

Oh, the pressure of social media. Between the perfectly curated Instagram feeds of moms who seem to do it all—work, raise well-behaved kids, have a flawless home—it can make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. You scroll through your feed and think, "How does she do it? Her house is spotless, and she’s smiling with her kids like it’s a freaking photo shoot!" But here’s the truth: Instagram isn’t real life, and it’s time we stop comparing ourselves to a highlight reel. Expectations can also come from family, maybe your mom stayed home and you always had a perfectly made lunch, it is likely your expectations for yourself are following this guide even if you are working full time.

Lack of Support Systems

Moms, I know you want to do it all, but you don’t have to. You’re trying to balance everything without letting anyone else help, and somewhere along the way, you’ve forgotten that it’s okay to lean on others. If you’re trying to juggle everything on your own without asking for help, burnout is practically guaranteed. It takes a village, and if you don’t have one, it’s time to build one. Whether that’s asking for help from a partner, hiring someone to help, or connecting with other moms, support is critical.

Sleep Deprivation

I get it—baby’s up every hour, and then there’s the toddler who suddenly needs a midnight snack. According to the National Sleep Foundation, moms, especially new moms, are way more likely to suffer from sleep deprivation, which is a key contributor to burnout. Sleep deprivation can make you feel like you’re living in a fog, and nothing seems as manageable when you’re running on fumes.

Financial Stress and Relationship Challenges

Money problems? Relationship issues? Both are huge contributors to burnout. The pressure of managing the family finances while keeping up with the emotional and physical needs of your family can feel overwhelming. Relationship tension only adds to that mental load. The juggling act you’re doing isn’t sustainable without a solid support system—and that starts with healthy boundaries at home.

How to Overcome Mom Burnout: Practical Strategies to Reclaim Your Life

Alright, Mama. You’ve got the diagnosis. Now let’s talk about how to get you feeling like yourself again—before you get too deep into burnout territory.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step is to recognize that you're struggling. It’s okay to admit it. You don’t need to have it all together all the time. Therapy is a great way to work through those complex feelings and give yourself the space to be vulnerable without judgment. Your mental health is just as important as your kids’. And yes, it’s perfectly okay to take a step back and ask for help when you need it.

2. Lower Your Expectations

Perfection doesn’t exist, and it’s okay to let go of the idea that you have to “do it all.” Research in the Journal of Family Psychology shows that perfectionism is linked to burnout. So, give yourself permission to be good enough, not perfect. And if anyone judges you for that, they can take it up with your perfectly imperfect self.

3. Ask for Help

You don’t have to do it all alone. Lean on your partner, family, friends, or even hire help. Whether it's a couple of hours to yourself or someone taking care of dinner, delegation is key. And no, you don’t have to feel guilty about it.

4. Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Even five minutes of “me time” can make a world of difference. Whether it's reading a book, taking a warm bath, or meditating, find what refills your cup and make it a priority.

Time-block self-care: Schedule time for yourself like you would for any other important task. Even if it's just 10 minutes to breathe or stretch, make it non-negotiable.
"Mom’s day off": Set aside a designated day or time to recharge without any parenting duties. You deserve a break—take it.
Mindfulness moments: When feeling overwhelmed, try a 3-minute breathing exercise. It can be done anywhere, and it’s a quick way to reset and ease stress.

5. Set Boundaries

You have permission to say no. You don’t have to agree to everything that comes your way. If someone asks you to do something you don’t have the energy for, it’s okay to say no. Protect your time, energy, and mental space. It’s not selfish—it’s self-preservation.

You’ve Got This, Mama

Mom burnout is real, but so is your strength. Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity for both you and your family. So go ahead, take that step to get support, lower your expectations, and build a life that feels more manageable and more fulfilling. You deserve it.

And if you need some extra help along the way, I'm here for you. You’ve got this.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by mom burnout, don't hesitate to reach out. As a psychologist specializing in supporting new moms and moms in all stages of motherhood, I'm here to help you navigate this challenging time and reclaim your well-being. If you live in Texas or Colorado check out my website and book a free consultation to see if I might be a good fit for you!

If you are in crisis, having thoughts of self-harm, or unable to care for your (or your child's) basic needs please reach out for crisis help: