Relationships can be tricky, sometimes when we are in them we cannot see the truth behind them. So how do we know if we have rose colored glasses on or our relationship really is as good as we think? As a psychologist who has helped people with all types of relationships, here are the top 5 qualities I have seen in good, healthy, and supportive relationships!

1. Open Communication

   I am sure you have heard it before by communication is key! No relationship is perfect and overtime new things will pop up and develop in every relationship. Research consistently shows that couples who communicate openly about their needs, feelings, and concerns experience greater relationship satisfaction (Gottman, 2015). So the goal is not to be 100% aligned on everything, as this is not possible, but it is the ability to have difficult conversations and excellent communication between the two of you. This means even the really hard conversations on what your partner does that is bothering you, what you need sexually, or where you differ greatly. If you can have these conversations early on in a relationship it will set you up to be more likely to succeed in coming to agreements and providing support to each other when life gets chaotic and complex down the line!
   

   Pro tip: Practice reflective listening. When your partner speaks, summarize what they’ve said to ensure you understand them fully before responding. This simple act can significantly improve communication.

   
   

2. Trust and Honesty

   
   

   Ok I don't just mean that you should be in a relationship where you are not worried about your partner cheating on you (although that is important too). What we are really talking about here is do you feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with your partner? Do you feel safe to express your feelings and insecurities without being judged? Do you feel like when it really matters you can trust what your partner says? If so you are in a great place to build a healthy relationship. Trust is such an important building block in a relationship and can be difficult to get back once lost. According to research by Rempel et al. (1985), emotional trust—the belief that your partner won’t intentionally hurt or betray you—is a key predictor of long-term relationship stability. However, when trust is there each side can approach all situations assuming the best intentions which is huge!! This is also a good time to check in on codependency!

   
   

   Check-in with yourself: Are you truly comfortable being vulnerable in your relationship? If not, it might be time for a deeper conversation.

   
   

3. Conflict Resolution Skills (& Ability to Forgive)

   
   

   Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. What sets healthy relationships apart is how couples handle disagreements. Studies by Gottman (1993) reveal that couples who engage in active listening, show empathy, and use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel upset when...”) are far more likely to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner. It's not about winning an argument, but finding a solution that works for both partners. Additionally, the ability to forgive is crucial. Holding grudges can poison a relationship, while forgiveness allows couples to move forward and grow stronger together. Remember, it's you and your partner against the problem, not you against your partner.

   
   

   Remember: It’s not about winning the argument. It’s about finding a solution that works for both of you.

   
   

4. Mutual Respect

   
   

   Respect is about valuing your partner's autonomy, opinions, and personal boundaries. It means treating each other as equals and ensuring that both partners’ voices are heard. Research shows that mutual respect is strongly correlated with relationship satisfaction (Murray et al., 2006). Respect doesn’t just apply during big decisions—it’s also about daily interactions, such as showing appreciation for your partner's contributions and avoiding hurtful remarks during disagreements.

   
   

   Ask yourself: Do you speak to your partner in a way that demonstrates respect, even when you're frustrated or upset?

   
   

5. Alignment on Big-Picture Goals

   
   

   It’s crucial for couples to be aligned on major life decisions, such as whether to have children, career aspirations, and financial goals. A 2018 study by Lewandowski and Ackerman found that shared goals are a strong predictor of long-term relationship success. This doesn’t mean you have to agree on every little thing, but being on the same page about the “big stuff” ensures that you’re moving in the same direction. Regular check-ins on these topics can prevent future conflicts and keep you both focused on shared aspirations.

   
   

   Tip: Schedule a "relationship check-in" every few months to discuss your goals, dreams, and any concerns. This proactive approach can help keep your relationship on track.

   
   

While no relationship is perfect, these five qualities – open communication, trust and honesty, conflict resolution skills, mutual respect, and alignment on big-picture goals – form the bedrock of healthy, lasting partnerships. By fostering these qualities in your relationship, you're setting yourself up for a strong, supportive, and fulfilling connection with your partner. Remember, good relationships require ongoing effort and nurturing from both parties, but the rewards of a loving, healthy partnership are well worth the investment.

If you think you could benefit from professional support to explore your relationships or difficulties you have creating healthy relationships reach out to Emily Turinas PhD. Dr. Turinas is a psychologist who specializes in relationships for those in Texas and Colorado. Schedule a free consultation today!